I woke up this morning thinking that maybe today would be the day that Baby Boy and I could go home to be with our family. He had a rough evening of coughing and I hoped that would help to clear out the thick mucus in his lungs for today. He was still coughing this morning and his lungs were still "gunky" as the Doctor says. My sister told me how well I was handling being here but I periodically struggle with asking "why?" This morning I was quite discouraged and feeling sorry for myself after the Doctor made a comment of being here a "few more days". When will I stop hearing those words? It also didn't help that the other little baby next door was able to go home today. I was so happy for my new friend and her baby but disappointed that we would still be here.
Each time I am discouarged I bring out Elisabeth Elliot's book Keep A Quiet Heart. It was given to me years ago when I was in the hospital on bedrest with our twins. I brought it along to the hospital with me knowing I would need encouragement. What is keeping a quiet heart? Willingly accepting the trial that God has assigned to us. I have been repeating Psalm 16:5 over and again this week - "Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup, and have made my lot secure. My portion and my cup, what God has lovingly assigned to our family at this time. My friend (whose baby is at Children's) and I discussed this earlier in the week and wondered what it is that God would have us learn through the trials we are going through this week. We each wished that we would learn quickly so that the trial would end much faster.
While I wouldn't wish that anyone be here with me, I am so thankful that God had another baby right next door with RSV. His Mom and I were able to relate this shared experience and encourage one another. We also found common ties as we know people in common and then found that our husbands graduated from high school together. When I thought about her leaving I had a hard time keeping my tears in check. I no longer have a friend next door, but I know I have a loving, heavenly father above who is watching over me and Baby Boy. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.